Today is my wife’s birthday! Fifty-seven years ago today my lovely wife was born and the world became a better place. Seventeen years later, out of the blue she walked up to my at a party and said “Hi my name’s Raylene what’s yours?” and made my world a better place! I still remember how awkward and excited I felt. Yes, even after all these years I can still see her standing there with her long, dark brown hair, a twinkle in her eyes and that terrific smile! She was so cute, a vision of loveliness in my dark and saddened world.
God I was so damn lucky! To this day I ask myself why me? Why did she pick me, a nobody with zero self-esteem, a broken hearted loser with absolutely no direction in life. She was all bright and cheery and upbeat and I was all gloom, despair and sadness. Yet, in spite of our obvious differences, we hooked up. I quess it’s true, opposites do attract! There definitely had to be some sort of magic involved, or maybe it was our destiny or part of God’s master plan! Maybe it was just the old fickle finger of fate from the old Laugh In series! I don’t know, but somehow we happened, and I truly believe that we were meant to happen!
My birthday girl went on to become my “Babe” and I, her “Poops.” Funny huh? But quite appropriate, I did behave like a big shit for a lot of years, and I must confess, I still have my moments. It seems like forever since I’ve called her Babe, but she’s always been the Babe I love. Inspite of what my mind has whispered to me or my mouth has said to her, in my heart I’ve always known that she’s the one for me.
Regretfully I told her many times that I asked her to marry me, not because I was madly in love with her, but because I cared for her very much and knew that she was the best thing to ever come into my life and I couldn’t let her get away. What a dummy I was! I can’t believe I really said that! Mostly because it was such a crock of shit! I’ve thought about it a lot and I must say that I had myself pretty well convinced that it was true, but it was all BULLSHIT ! I realize now I was just afraid to admit I loved her, to myself or anyone else because of what had happened with my first girlfriend, and all the hurt associated with that experience. I’m not sure, but truth be told, I did love her and still do. I married her because she was and still is a very special person. My soul mate! She had the ability to make me laugh inspite of the hurt I carried in my heart. I’m sorry that I made up all those bullshit excuses and didn’t simply pour my heart out to her, but I was in denial. I simply refused to listen to my heart, I refused to accept that I was in love again, but I was. And yes, I’ve acted impulsively through the years and done things and acted in ways that weren’t right, yet there she was by my side, putting up with me. She always had more faith in me than I had in myself and seemed to know the real me was in there somewhere. I’m just glad she was patient and stuck around. Of course there’s been times on our journey that we’ve caused each other pain, but through the years we have learned to grow together rather than apart.
I have to confess that there were times when I selfishly thought about leaving and living on my own, and saw a certain attractiveness to it, but I could also see an ugliness that frightened me. That ugliness was loneliness. I didn’t want to feel lonely. I feel lonely enough after we’ve been arguing. I hate feeling lonely. It’s always better when we’re together. Ray is not only my wife, but my very best friend. She’s the one I wish to share my deepest feelings, adventures and fears with. She’s the one one I want to share the rest of my days with.
A long time ago she told me and I quote, “I know we have our ups and downs, but this always happens in relationships. It just shows how much we care about ourselves as a couple.” Well we’ve definitely had our share of ups and downs, in spite of it all, perhaps because of it all, it’s really been a good life…together…
Happy Birthday Babe! Hope you enjoy your B-Day! Thank you for being the best part of my life!
All my love forever……..