“Friendship Betrayed”

“Friends are always friends no matter how far you have to travel back in time. If you have memories together, there is always a piece of your friendship inside your heart.” 
—Kellie O’Connor

It’s really incredible when two complete strangers meet and wind up becoming good friends. This happens all the time, particularly on the job. You work side by side with someone day in, day out, interact with them, bounce ideas off each other, go out to lunch together, even go out socially on occasion and before you know it a bond of trust is established between you that binds the friendship and makes it thrive. The longer you work together the more important the friendship becomes.

Then one day out of the blue something happens and  you learn that your so called friend was never really the person you thought they were, they were never really honest with you and that bond of trust you thought you’d established was built on lies and half-truths. Your friend was never as close as you imagined and was always a stranger.

Have you ever had a friendship like that? Someone you met at your workplace? Someone you thought you knew well, someone you trusted implicitly. Someone you thought trusted you the same way. Then one day your friend doesn’t show up for work. At first you don’t think too much of it, something must have come up. The following day no friend. Your phone calls and texts go unanswered and you begin to worry. Days pass and there is no word. No one seems to know what has happened. A week later still nothing. Then there is finally some news and you learn something terrible about your friend, something that rocks your world because it is so out of character, so unlikely and so illegal.

You think you really know someone then they turn out to be someone else entirely. Pretty hard to handle right? Yeah, you feel betrayed and betrayal is something that isn’t easy for anyone to come to terms with. Betrayal is quite unsettling. It can causes sadness, sorrow and even trauma. You feel utterly disappointed and let down. Why? Because you care. Someone you once held in high esteem has misled you and caused you pain. Acceptance and forgiveness? Forget about it!  You’re too upset to even think about that. This person who you never believed could do this to you, has, and  you hurt…

It’s an odd situation. I mean when you consider that the person actually did nothing to you directly and what you have learned about their ‘double life’ doesn’t affect you other than the fact that you’ve been duped. No this type of betrayal leaves you wondering how you could have been so damn naive? How could you have mis-judged the situation so completely? How could you have let it happen? Because now that it’s out in the open, you realize that all the signs were there, all the clues. It’s so obvious now, so you feel foolish and some of the disappointment you are feeling is embarrassment for failing to see what was right in front of you. What a piss poor detective you are! You never put it together until it was too late. But you know what they say(whoever they are) “hindsight is 20-20.” 

You’re probably asking yourself how you could have missed it. Well, it’s because you weren’t looking for it. That’s right you were so caught up in the comfort of your friendship that you had no reason to doubt it for a single moment. Remember you are not responsible, your friend is!  Certainly what they chose to do hurt your friendship, but it hurt them in a much more profound way. What they did is life changing. They must face the consequences of their actions and will never be the same again. You may feel hurt and betrayed, but what they have done to themselves and their family is far worse than what you are feeling.

You may never understand why they did what they did. Perhaps they never told you what they were involved in to protect you. They may have had your best interest at heart. What you don’t know can’t hurt you, especially when it’s something illegal. So try not to jump to snap conclusions, try to keep things in perspective.  Not that it makes it any easier, you feel betrayed irregardless.  But remember, you don’t need to understand why your friend betrayed you in order to heal.What you must do to get past your pain and anger is to forgive them. I know, much easier said than done, but just give it some time. Time is the best healer.

So keep a cool head, try to stay relaxed and spend some quality alone time doing things you really enjoy.  You are more likely to find a worthwhile solution while doing something you enjoy than just sitting around over thinking it.  You may never regain the level of friendship you had with that person or you may never be friends again, but whatever decision you reach, you will always cherish the memories.

Just a Thought…

JS

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